How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
