Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize