I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
