I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just want to make out with him forever
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
