at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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