Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize