Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
