You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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