I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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