My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
