Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
