i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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