Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
