she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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