Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
