allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
