just come out here and I will go home with you...
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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