I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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