The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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