Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
