Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
