She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
