College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
