That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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