I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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