i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
My balls are so social today.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
