return my video game
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
