ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
