would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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