I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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