Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
As shirtless as possible
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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