My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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