I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
