dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
