The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
