Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
