YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize