just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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