Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
