i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
