It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
