have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
worst night to have a conscience
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
