Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
