So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
