1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
