when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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