Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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