need another drink. this is the easiest way
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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