His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
The adults are the big ones right?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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