there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
