I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
