Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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