People in love make me want to vomit
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
