my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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