I just cut my nipple shaving
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
