I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
