He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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