i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
