is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
