Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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