I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
