And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
