my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
