4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
