A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize