I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
