I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
