I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
