Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
