I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
