What a fucking waste of an outfit
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
