I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
