She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
