Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
