all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
