I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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