They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
her vagine was all disorganized.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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