Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
