Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
