im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
