So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
